Brandon

You know the saying "I love that child like he is one of my own." ? Well, that would be Brandon for me. I admitted him to the unit the first night he came in, and fell in love, instant love. He was 3 years old at the time. Pudgy little cheeks, skin as black as night, and as cute as anyone could ever be. His mom brought him to the ER after he had been awake most of the night complaining of ankle pain. She was told in the ER that it was likely leukemia. She came up to the unit shocked and crying and flipping out, like anyone would. I spent a long long time talking to her, even though we were slammed on the unit (we got 8 admissions that night on a shoestring staff). I didn't have children and I was single at the time, so work was my life. Brandon's mom was single, with him and an 18 month old at home. She worked 2 jobs and she was very young and naive. I don't think she ever really understood how serious his diagnosis was. He was the sweetest child I ever had up there. He would cooperate, no matter how painful or awful the procedures we had to do to him were. When I came in at 5 a.m. every morning to draw blood, he would sometimes already be awake and all he would ask is that I would be very quiet so as not to wake his mother because he knew she needed her rest. (A 3-year old, mind you.) That boy loved his mama. Since mom was not able to be there a lot, I would come up on my days off and stay with him, bring movies and snacks and such. He drew me lots of pictures and grew really attached. Brian and I would even go and get him and take him home with us and out to eat and stuff when he wasn't in the hospital. I loved that child..... When I told him Brian had asked me to marry him and I said yes, he was so mad at me. He wouldn't talk to me for hours. He eventually told me that he was going to come and "take me away" on a red motorcycle and that I was going to come live with him and not marry Brian. I was touched by his adorable jealousy. Eventually he went into remission and I kept in touch with his mom off and on for a while, but also wanted to give them their "normal" lives back, so I stopped checking in after a while. I got pregnant with Annelise during those years and when I went out on maternity leave Brandon relapsed. I came back to work 12 weeks later and saw a sign on the board, "Brandon S. is at Duke and has been given 24 hours." I almost collapsed. The staff all thought someone had called me. I had a new phone number so I don't know if his mom ever tried to call me or not. I was devastated. A few days later, I went to his funeral and his mom ran over to me and we hugged and just cried and cried. Brandon made it to age 7. He had found out I was pregnant and he had made my baby a "good luck" charm. It was a little peach colored ceramic heart. I still have it and it is one of my most prized possessions. I wonder if , now that he's in Heaven, he finally got a giant Clifford dog like he always wanted. I wonder if he has that red motorcycle. I know he will be one of the ones greeting me at the gates when I get there. I miss him tremendously. People may say that you shouldn't get attached to your patients, but I think if you don't have a special connection with at least a few , there may be something wrong with you in the heart department. Just my opinion. I have one more patient to tell about tomorrow and then I'll get back to regular blog stuff. It has been nice to share these kids with others.