Had a wonderfully exhausting day today. Church service was so good- the songs were very uplifting and it energized me to be there. Then we took a lady we've sort of 'adopted' into our family out for her 70th b-day at lunch. She grew up in a foster home and was never adopted- has no family, never been married, but a sweet lady. We met her because she used to keep our dog for us when we went out of town. So it was nice to be able to spend time with her today. After that, we came home and I curled the girls' hair and dressed them up in their holiday dresses and we went to their Christmas program at their school. It was probably the best kids Christmas program I've ever seen. The music was so moving, and the kids were so into their singing and interpretive movements that it was just beautiful. Not many things bring tears to my eyes, but that program did. They did a wonderful job focusing on the true meaning of Christmas and it was good for us to be reminded of that. I'm so thankful for their tiny little private Christian school. They're so happy there and they are loved there.
Brian's office party was last night- and it is always a ton of fun. We played a lot of games and Santa was there and we had a DJ and karaoke. Everyone really enjoyed themselves. But I was so hyped up when we got home at midnight that I couldn't fall asleep- so I ended up with about 3 hours of sleep and I am feeling that now. It doesn't help that I have a warm kitten asleep in my lap and the only light in here is coming from my computer and the lights on the Christmas tree. What a great day. I feel so blessed to be able to say that. I do have a heavy heart tonight. One of Emmaline's 8 year old friends just found out that her mom's experimental chemo did not work, and they have given her mother 3 weeks to live. I just cannot imagine. There are 3 young children (I think the oldest is 11- the youngest is 6) and I tried to think of what it must be like to hear that kind of news- not only as the mother, but as the child. I pray that God will draw near to that family and that they will feel the comfort that only He can give. Life is such a precious gift.

Joy Comes In the Morning

Woke up still in a bad mood- have been trying hard all day to change my attitude and thankfully, the day has improved and I expect to wake up tomorrow feeling good again. I know I really have nothing to be stressed about- sometimes I just let little things get to me. Our family of four actually sat down at the dinner table tonight over some chicken, made from scratch mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese (Southern style, of course). And it was nice to reconnect like that. Didn't hurt that the food was really good, too! This week has been so hectic that it has been a few days since we've been able to do that- and dinner together is very important in my book. I also enjoy cooking, and it has been a while since I've had time to make anything good. I also think that doing grief counseling has helped me tremendously with my view on things. When I talk to people who have truly been through heart wrenching times, it puts my so-called 'troubles' in perspective.
Today it was so nice not to have to go anywhere (with the exception of the grocery store) and I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, either. I need to get some things done in this house- there is cleaning and organizing that needs to be done and I'm the one who needs to do it.... I've been thinking a lot lately about the amount of time I spend in prayer and how I can see that it is directly related to my stress most of the time. I've decided I need to increase that time- especially since recently there have been days that have gone by without me saying anything other than the blessing at mealtimes. It's so important to me to have that time alone with God and I miss it when I don't have it. Do you feel alone- unloved- stressed- like you don't know where to turn? Talk to God-tell Him everything- He wants you to and He is waiting for you. He loves you like no-one else ever could. I promise you won't regret it!

They Can't All Be Great Days....

Today was one of the busiest days I've had in a long time. Had to drive to G'ville (30 mins) to counsel a client at my office. Drove back here to get the girls from school. Immediately drove back to G'ville to take Emmaline to ballet, was there for an hour for her class, came home and cooked dinner, left (without eating) to go counsel another client in a different town. On my way home from that, picked Annelise up from bball practice and finally got home around 8:30. But, even though it was a super busy day, I was in a very good mood. Funny how quickly that can change sometimes. Came home to a mess, Emmaline still not in the bed, and my (normally sweet) husband just goes off on me for absolutely no reason. I'm exhausted- I'm now in a very bad mood- I think it's time to call it a night. I've been reading a book about living a life of gratitude and thankfulness- but I just am in no mood tonight. I'm so glad that I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow and Thursday.....

Upside Down, Inside Out, Round and Round

Wow- what a roller coaster these past couple of months have been. Long story short- the girls are back at their old little private school here and we have taken our house off of the market for the time being. So much confusion..... The girls' new school ended up being a total nightmare. It was twice as much as the little school they went to here, the curriculum was not nearly as challenging and there was one little girl in each of their classes who just ruined the whole experience for them both. E had a girl in her class who would go home and look at internet porn, and then come back and describe everything she saw to the other girls in class (these are 8 year old girls!!). Every week, this same little girl would do or say something that would just absolutely blow my mind because 8 year old girls should not be doing or saying the things this little girl was. Then in A's class, a girl was teaching all the other girls all of the curse words, including the F-bomb, and she was also teaching the girls how to say the words in Greek so the teachers wouldn't know they were cursing. I am disgusted at the fact that not only have my girls gotten 'educated' on all of these things at a so-called private Christian school, but that we paid for them to be in that environment! We've been so careful to protect them from this stuff for so many years, and in the two months they were there, I feel like so much of what we've done was unraveled. We never had any incidents even close to those at the little school they're at here. So- we've taken the house off of the market for now and put them back into the school here- and everyone's much happier now- including the girls. I can't undo what was done at that school- I can't make them un-hear and un-see what they saw and heard. But I am so thankful that they feel comfortable enough with me to have told me about all of it- and that they did not participate in any of it themselves. They aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but they're good girls. I still really want to move back to the Eastside- because everything we do is over there (well, except for school- but this school here would only be about 20 mins from where we'd live out there- and they'll only be at this school for a few more years...) We just don't know what to do. So- since we know that God is not the author of confusion- we've decided that we are just going to sit back and let Him work this out any way He sees fit. For the first time ever, we're fully trusting that He will intervene however He wants, and that means that we don't do anything but pray and wait. Not wait with anxiety, but wait with hope and excitement to see what His will is going to be. If He wants us to stay here and continue to drive 30 minutes to all of our activities and such- then that is what we will do and we will be happy to do it. But, if He wants us to move back to the Eastside, then He will send a buyer for this house at the right time and He is perfectly able to do that with or without a real estate agent or a sign in the yard. I sometimes have to remind myself that God does not need our help or our advice. And so, I am happy and I am content for the first time in a long time. I so desperately want to be 'settled'- to know that I am 'home' (as 'home' as I can be on this Earth, anyway)- but I am going to excitedly and expectantly await for God to show us what He wants for us, and that feels good. Everything else is going so well. I have recently finished a very challenging course- the 7th out of 10 in this Master's Degree program I'm in. I'm taking a break from school until after the holidays so I can enjoy them and so I can spend time with the girls. I have all of my Christmas shopping done, and all of the decorations are up and they look so beautiful. I am so truly blessed and I am so grateful to have the life that I have. It feels good to have peace inside. May each of you who reads this know the love and peace of the God who cares so deeply for you this Christmas season.

Is it almost Fall??

Good grief, this year has just flown by. This Summer was absolutely nuts. We went to the beach twice and the girls went on a cruise with their aunt for a week and we've been to the lake multiple times. Good, right? Not really. I love going to the beach and the lake, but since we haven't been home, I've had to catch up on everything in the house- laundry and cleaning and etc.... Plus, I have to pack myself and the girls and unpack all 4 of us everytime we go anywhere, not to mention packing and unpacking food. I'm not complaining, but I'm glad school has started so we can be back in a routine. Their school is in the town we're hoping to move back to. Yes, I said hoping, our house hasn't sold yet, so I'm driving them 30 minutes each way to take them and pick them up and the traffic is hideous. They like their new school ok. It's tough being the only new kids in each of their grades, but they are slowly making friends. Annelise had a really hard first day of 4th grade. The other girls were so excited to see each other after being apart over the Summer that no-one really paid her any attention. She's always been the one who just naturally reaches out to the new kid or the outcast. She didn't understand why no-one did that for her. I explained to her that this is one of her gifts and that it is not normal for 4th grade girls to notice the new girl and think about reaching out to include her. I told her to give it a week or so and that they would get to know her over time. The next day, she was ready to try again, and she had such a good attitude considering how upset she'd been the day before. I asked her why she seemed so happy and excited after being so sad the day before. She said "Well, I think I know why God let me go through that yesterday." I was intrigued, so I asked why she thought that. She answered. "Because He knows He gave me that gift of reaching out to new people and lonely people, and that if I knew exactly what it felt like to be that person being left out, I'd be able to use my gift even better." She went on to say that she had prayed about it (along with the rest of us) and that since she had realized what God was trying to show her, and had taken it to heart, she would have a much better day. I wasn't so sure. I know how 4th grade girls can be and I thought she may be setting herself up for a major disappointment. I'm usually the one who has the faith in the family. I hardly ever worry about anything. I am always assuring everybody else that God will take care of everything. I hope beyond hope at times. But when it comes to my girls and their hearts being broken the first day at a new school, it hurts me and I lose my focus. In my defense, I also had pneumonia that week and had been sleeping about 2 hours per night because of the coughing. So, I was drained, in every way possible. But I hoped against hope that Annelise was right. I went to pick her up after school that second day, nervous and anxiously waiting for her to get in the car. She got in, with a blank face and I asked her how her day went. She smiled a little and said "It. Was. AWESOME!" I couldn't believe it. I was so happy (and tired) that I cried a few tears of relief. Then I felt so guilty for not trusting God, who had never left me or let me down about anything. I had doubted that He would take care of my child after she had so positively told me He would. Emmaline had a wonderful second day, too. They are liking it more each day, and I am sooo glad. They still miss their old school, but they are adjusting and enjoying their new one. We're still waiting for this house to sell- but I am sure that God will take care of that too, when the time is right.