Out With the Old, In With the New......

Wow, I can't believe that 2010 is almost done. This has been such a great year for me. I'm not really sure why, either. I mean, we realized that this dream house we built and planned to spend forever in was not going to work out for us- which means we're going to have to move, which means we're going to have to pack, etc etc.... We left the church we were sure we were supposed to be at.... Yet, this year has been so good. I think I'm finally figuring out what life is all about. It's about time. I have found that this past year has been one of tremendous growth for me- especially spiritually. I have been forced to evaluate my priorities and what I really am here for. It has been great. I am not one for New Years resolutions. I think they're ridiculous- maybe not for other people, but for me they are. I find myself promising to do all kinds of things and make all kinds of changes and usually the changes last a month or two and then I'm back to the way I always was. So a few years ago, I decided to do an evaluation of the year that was passing instead of making empty promises to myself for the year that is coming up. I try to think of the things I have done this past year, or things I have not done. I think about what I've said to people or what I need to say or what I said and shouldn't have said. I think about the mistakes I've made and try to focus on what I learned from them so I won't make them again. It's really a great thing for me to do because I learn so much about myself and where I am in this walk of life. I see the areas that need improvement and the areas where I have improved. I can identify my strengths and see how I can use them more. It's just a great inventory time for me. I have figured out that the only resolution I need to make is just to do even better this next year. I want to make a difference while I'm here. I want to be where God wants me, I want to be who He wants me to be and I want to be doing what He wants me to do. I want to help those I can help and I want to show His love to those who may need to see it. Every year I hope to see more of Him in myself and less of me. So, bring on 2011. I am so ready. I am so excited about the things God has planned for my future that I can't stand it! I have no idea when this house will sell, or where we will live when it does, or when I'll finally finish all of these courses for this Master's degree I've been pursuing- but God knows and that's all I need to know. I just need to do my part while I wait to see what He is going to do. I hope anyone who reads this has a wonderful New Year and that the only resolution you make is to do better in 2011. :0)

House For Sale in SC- Website is UP!

Yay- the website for our house is up and running! Bittersweet. I love this house. But I am spending half my life in the car driving to Taylors and back. I guess we lived in Taylors so long that we established a life out there and it's too late to change that! Someone will love this house, though. If anyone out there is looking for a home in/near Greenville, SC, take a peek at ours~ the site is www.102ivywoods.com

Gettin old stinks, but it's better than the alternative...

The past 2 days have been exhausting. Actually, the past week has been exhausting. Not really with stuff I didn't want to do- but there is such truth to the 'too much of a good thing' statement this time of year. Yesterday we surprised the girls with tickets to see Disney Princesses on Ice at the Bi Lo Center downtown. It was actually a really good show. Even Brian enjoyed it. But- it started at 7:30, which meant it ended around 9:45 and seeing as the girls are usually in bed by 8 pm, putting them in bed at 10:15 was a recipe for disaster. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, (just kidding- there's no ranch- I just always wanted to say that)- seriously- back in 'adult world'- Brian and I have been trying to get this website done for this house we're about to put up for sale. Don't worry- I'll put the link on here when it's finished. :0) So, for the third night in a row last night we stayed up past midnight trying to get it all together so we can publish it. I think (fingers crossed) that we may finish it tonight, or at least almost finish. My 6 am wake up is never a welcomed event, but it has been especially annoying this week. I went to 2 Christmas parties, the girls Christmas play, took the girls to the dentist, wrote 4 papers this week, got out both girls winter clothes and began the impossible task of cleaning their closets-and this weekend is going to be just as crazy. Today was pretty nuts. We took the girls to school, raced to the Eastside to tour a private school there that we're enrolling the girls in for next year, picked the girls up from school early- at 11:15 am (they usually get out at noon on Fridays), rushed home to change their clothes, ate lunch in the car and went to see Santa at the Mall. We got there and saw the shortest line I've ever seen there, got in the back of the line, and the woman came and closed the ropes and said that we would be the last ones in before Santa's lunchbreak. (Insert Heavenly Angel Singing here). We barely made it. Emmaline did not cry and howl when she sat in Santa's lap, as is her usual routine. She even smiled at him. Yes, it was one of those nervous "Please don't kill me" smiles, but it was progress. Came home, packed their bags for my mom's where they are spending the night (Insert another Heavenly Angel singing here), typed up a 5 page description of this house and all of it's features, and put on my PJ's. I do not care that my kitchen is a mess (understatement), I don't care about the looming giant pile of laundry or the fact that the family room could use a good vacuuming. I'm so tired. I'm in a recliner, I have a sleeping cat in my lap and I'm warm, and after about 30 minutes of constant nagging to Brian, he has finally gone to get us something to eat for dinner. I reminded him that he is the 'hunter/gatherer' and I am the 'cook'- which in this case means I will put it nicely on a plate for him when he brings it home. :0) So I guess I'm just getting old. I can remember in the 'not so distant past' when the kids went to my parents it was automatically 'date night'. But who says date night can't be us in pajama pants eating dinner in the family room during a movie?? Not I. I just hope my parents have a nice pleasant evening with the fruit of our loins. They desperately needed a nap today after staying up so late last night, but we forfeited the nap for Santa (priorities, people) and so I'm hoping that they don't go into 'meltdown' mode tonight for my parents. I warned my mother, but she's one of the few people I know who has less patience than me, so I am slightly concerned. Tomorrow I'll go get the girls around 10:30 and take Annelise to basketball practice. Then tomorrow night is the office Christmas party at some hoighty toighty restaurant. Then Sunday morning is church, which I am sure I will need, and then out to lunch and then we're going to look at a house that is going to go up for sale in a neighborhood we really like. If we like it, the guy said he would give us a good deal since there would be no agent involved. The guy is like, a billion years old and has lived there by himself for years, so we were warned that the house is straight outta 1970 inside and that we need to have our imagination hats on. We're cool with that. I like to re-do. The guy is moving out because he's getting married. Go old guy- woo hoo! I guess it's never too late.... Anyway- Brian just came in and I smell barbecue and potatoes, so I'm done here. The next post will hopefully contain the link to our house we are selling. I hope it sells quickly. I don't wanna leave it, but I can't move it, so that's that. We'll see!

I Love Sudden Realizations...

Sometimes I just get these random, wonderful realizations. It's funny, actually, the little things and unexpected events that cause them. Tonight we were at Annelise and Emmaline's Christmas play at their school. I must admit, I was kinda dreading it. They go to a very small, private Christian school, which I love, and their school staff members are very much into the productions they put on for the parents- which is also great. They put hours into their plays and concerts- awesome- except when you consider that this means that these productions usually end up being about 2- 2 and a half hours long. Would be ok, except for all the infant and toddler brothers and sisters that come along and have the attention span of a gnat. But I digress.... So tonight, we're watching the kids do a re-enactment of the birth of Jesus. It's different from the everyday-birth-of-Jesus-play because it actually starts right before Mary learns that she will be the mother of the Savior of the world. She was actually working in her village when all of a sudden, an angel appeared to her and said "Greetings- you are highly favored. God is with you." Well, I didn't hear much after that, because my ADD kicked in and I thought to myself "Wow- to actually hear that- how awesome would that be??" To hear that you were highly favored by God and that He is with you! I tried to imagine what that would be like, and then it hit me- I know what that feels like. I already know, because God spells it all out for us in His word- in the Bible. I felt a bit silly after that. I mean, how could I think that I was not highly favored by God- He sent His only son to die a horrific death for me. He gave me 2 beautiful wonderful children and an amazing, loving, loyal husband. No, He never sent an angel to tell me that I was loved and that He thought a lot of me- He went a step further- He showed me how much He thought of me and how deep His love runs. He showed all of us. All of this, He did for each of us. Do I love my friends and family, oh yes, I do. Do I think highly of them? Yes. No doubt. Would I put either of my children on a cross and see them tortured and beaten and watch them die a long, suffering death for them? No freakin way. God's ability to love us astounds me. It's even more astounding that He loves those who don't even love Him back. He loves those who don't even believe He exists. And He loves them all just as much as He loves me. What an amazing, incomprehensible love. And to even have the thought that I would wonder what it would be like for God to 'highly favor' us- so ridiculous. So, just so you don't have to wonder, I'm here to tell you- you are highly favored and God is with you. You are loved and you are valuable. And because there will be people who won't believe me- He put it in writing for you. ;0)

I'd go home, if I only knew where that was.....

So, we had decided we were moving back to the Eastside. We had also decided we were moving back into our old house, which is occupied by renters for the next year and a half. Weeellll, now we're not sure. About the house, anyway. We're definately moving back to the Eastside- we just don't know exactly where. Here's the thing: The renters that are in our house are wanting to buy it, really, really bad. We have the potential to put a lot of money in our pockets from that sale because of the equity we have in it. IF we don't sell it to them and we move back into it, we'll have to move into a rental for a while, until the rental agreement is up and then renovate it- and I mean serious renovations. We had already updated it when we lived there before, so all of that money would have been wasted. We're concerned that because it is a 1960's BradyBunchSpecial tri-level that the additions we want to do won't look right. We're concerned that the area that the house is in will go downhill over time. We're concerned that the land will eventually be too much to take care of (5 acres). But we do like it there and it is close to almost everything we do. Soooo, we've got a lot to think about. In the meantime, we've started telling people that this house we're in is going to be up for sale. Brian's gonna do a website for it and we're going to attempt to sell it by owner first so we don't lose our butts on it. Makes me sick to think of selling. This was our dream house. It's just too far away from all the stuff we do. Especially Emmaline's ballet. *sigh* I wish I could just pick it up and move it..... So if anyone who reads this knows someone moving to the Greenville, SC area and wants to drop about $850,000 (yep, and that's about $25,000 less than we have in it...) for a brand new, all the bells and whistles, drop dead gorgeous 5100 square foot house in an awesome neighborhood on a double lot (1.3 acres)- just let me know. ;0) I'm thinking the husbands will be sold on the 126 inch projection screen in the 30x24 family room and the wives will love that there are 3 huge walk in closets in the master bedroom. (Did I mention the pool house with the full bathroom and the salt water pool?Oh, and let's not forget the fact that our school district is awesome and our elementary school just won the coveted blue ribbon award...) I hate to leave it, I really do. But I believe with all of my heart that God wants us back out on the Eastside and that He will sell it for us. Gotta have faith, right?? I'm hoping that by Spring or early Summer that we will have a contract, and I guess we will have figured out where we're moving to by then. Sheesh.
In the meantime, I've enrolled into course #4 for this Master's degree program. I'm now a certified grief counselor- got the professional looking diploma thingy and everything. But I still have 6 more courses to go before I get my degree. Makes me wanna stab myself in the eye when I think of all the papers I'm going to have to write. This course I just started is 26 papers in 15 weeks. One is a 20-25 page research paper. YAY!! But I'll survive- the degree will be so worth it! Oh, well- I hear the bed calling. It's raining and cold and that equals perfect sleeping weather for me..... sweet dreams!

Frustration

You know, sometimes I have just had enough. This is one of those times. I have hidden a person on facebook because of the rants they go on about religion and what their opinion is of what a Christian should be doing. The posts are extremely legalistic. I cannot stand legalism. It clouds what Christianity should be about. It focuses on doing things to 'earn' your way into Heaven. It focuses on how unworthy we are and it is critical and condescending to the point that it makes you feel like you should be flogging yourself. I am thoroughly aware that I am not worthy of any of God's blessings. I never will be. That's a given. But I do not feel for one minute that God would want us constantly beating ourselves down about how awful we are or how many things we are not doing or are doing or monitoring every single thing we do in order to try to 'earn' our way into Heaven. I look at God as a father, and as a parent, I would be so heartbroken if my children were preoccupied with how bad they were and how they don't measure up to what I want sometimes. When people do this, they totally miss out on the joy that comes from that relationship. It's people like this that will make non-Christians run as far away from God as they can. Even though I have hidden this person, I ran across a 'note' that they wrote about how 'we' are so much more devoted to worldly things than to Godly things. (That's another thing- don't use the word 'we'. If you're gonna say something that you think people have a problem with, say 'I' or say 'some people'. Because I do not have an issue with most of the things this person writes about, so I have to wonder who 'we' is.... ) This person talked about how much time 'we' spend watching football and also about how people will get up at 3 am to go shopping on Black Friday, but they asked 'when is the last time we spent 3 hours talking to God or got up at 3 am to spend time with Him'? It's not just asking, this person is telling people that they are not behaving as Christians should because they spend more time doing these other things than they do with God. Well, I totally disagree. Now, I personally do not go near a store on Black Friday, no way, no how. But I do love to watch college football. It's a bit of an obsession for me. It's like cheap therapy. I get caught up in it and I get excited and it is a lot of fun in my book. But does it even compare to how I feel about God and what He does in my life? Absolutely not. It's apples and oranges. It is ridiculous to even compare the two. I can tell you that I may spend hours on Saturdays watching football, but a 15 minute heart to heart conversation with my daughter means a world more to me than any game ever could. I can tell you that my husband spends 10 hours (sometimes more) at work every week day and only a few hours with us in the evenings, but we all know without a doubt that we are much more important to him than his job is. I have 2 main points here- 1.) It's about quality of time, not quantity, and 2.) Someone's love for God should not even be compared to their love for ridiculous things like shopping or watching football. It should be in a whole different realm. It is just absolutely insane for me to think that the two could even be related. And I have a question- Why can't we spend time with God while we watch football or while we're shopping? Why can't He be a part of everything we do all the time? What is the recommended amount of time we should spend in Bible study or prayer each day to be allowed to consider ourselves a 'good Christian'? I talk to God all day long. When something comes to my mind that I'm struggling with or that I want to talk to someone about, He is my go-to guy. In fact, if someone peered into my window at any point during the day, they may think I was crazy, because when I talk to Him, I talk out loud and I frequently talk for long periods of time. I just don't understand why this person thinks God has to be separate from everything else we do. Why isn't He a part of it all? This person, to me, seems to have very legalistic and immature views of Christianity. I feel sorry for them. Because when all you do is focus on what you are or are not doing and beating yourself up over every little thing, you are really missing out on the joy and peace that comes from having that relationship with Jesus. We will never be good enough. We all know that. But we don't have to dwell on that, because God loves us anyway. We should always be striving to be better, because there's always room for improvement, and that goes for every area of life, but don't let your 'unworthiness' become an obsession. I don't think for one second that God would want us to live that way. And, as for football, I'm pretty sure Jesus is a Clemson fan...... ;0) I feel better now- goodnight.

I should be excited, but.....

So, B and I are leaving in a week to go to San Francisco. I've never been to California, so I am looking forward to getting to see it, but to tell the truth, I would rather just stay at home. I am so stressed right now, trying to make sure I have everything in order for the girls and the cats and everything else while I'm gone. B's aunt and office manager are staying here with the girls. I don't doubt that they are capable of taking care of the girls, I just don't want to overwhelm them with all the everyday things that have to be done. I'm going to pack their lunches ahead of time and label each bag with the day they will take it (their school is so small they don't serve food there, so they have to take it every day....) I'm going to lay out their clothes for each day along with any hair accessories or anything else they may need. I need to type up a routine about bedtimes and when to feed the cats and scoop the litter box and change the tadpole water- etc etc etc. It's really bearing down on me at the moment and I have to wonder if seeing San Francisco will even be worth all this stress. B is going to be at a medical conference all day and evening the first 4 days we're there. Since I can't find my way out of a paper bag, I think I'm going to hang out in the hotel and study for this next course I'll be enrolling in. Actually, sleeping in and being in a hotel room by myself with a TV, room service and peace and quiet sounds really good to me right now. Is that pathetic? I am having brunch one of those days with a good friend of mine from high school, so I'm looking forward to that. Anyway, after his 4 days of conferences, we will have 3 days to sightsee and drive around and all that, so I'm not feeling too bad about just wanting to hang out in the hotel the other days. And still- I'd just rather not go. I would rather just stay here and take care of everything myself. I told B not to ever schedule another conference trip during the school year. He doesn't understand why I'm stressed- probably because he just has to book the flights and pack a bag and he's done. Oh, well. Feels stupid to be complaining about going on a trip to California- but I have my reasons..... On to tackle more of this stuff on my giant 'to-do list'!

Yes, I am still alive- and very slack....

So, this is a quick update about everything current in this crazy life of mine....
1.) Brian and the girls and I are all on the same page about moving back to Greenville- and we are all very excited about it. Cannot wait to finally be at 'home' now that we know where that is! Also can't believe that my dream house is a 1968 tri-level! :0)
2.) We are attending a church we used to visit back in Greenville, which happens to be about 3 minutes from our house we're going to move back to and we absolutely love it!
3.) Annelise got braces, and they made her look even older than she already did. Age 8 and she looks 13....
4.) I am now a certified grief counselor. Yay! But I still have 7 more courses to go before I get my Master's Degree in Grief Counseling. Gonna be tough. I can do it. Don't wanna, but I can.
5.) So happy college football season is here! Clemson's not looking so hot at the moment, but we'll see. Not expecting much, but gotta love em anyway. ;0)
6.) On a mission to lose 20 pounds. Not an easy task, especially when my rear will be in a chair writing papers most of the day, but I know I can do it.
7.) Thinking a lot about life- what I spend my time doing- whether I'm doing things that build people up or tear people down. I keep thinking about God's purpose for our lives- that we are to love others- not judge- and to show mercy. I am trying to keep that on my mind. It can be difficult, but once we make the choice to live that way, the drama just disappears and that is a very nice thing. I don't like drama and I have learned to stay away from people who like to cause it. Focusing on my girls and how I am impacting them and on my husband and the things I can do to lift him up each day. I want to be a blessing to others. I know I'm not going to do everything just right, but I am going to try.
8.) I think my parents are going to be putting their house up for sale soon and that they are seriously considering moving to Charleston. I hope they do because they really love it there. It will also make it a lot easier to tell them we are moving back to Greenville!
9.) Glad I'm not a worrier. Worrying is a sin because it means we are not trusting God to handle things like He promised He would if we have faith. With the thought of putting this house on the market next Spring and all of the stuff we are going to have to do to end up back in our old house, it could be overwhelming. But I'm not the least bit concerned. I truly believe God will sell this house for us because I am sure it is His will for us to move back. I think He has plans for us out there. I also know that He will get us through the stress of moving and renovating. It will be a long road with a lot of work but it will be so worth it to finally know that I am home. (Until we retire on Sullivan's Island, of course...)
That's about it for now. Brian and I are taking a week-long trip to San Francisco soon. He's going for a medical conference and I'm tagging along for the trip. I've never been to California, so I'm pretty excited about it. Our office manager and Brian's aunt are staying at our house with the girls that week. For the few days Brian is going to be in the conference, I will be in the hotel room writing papers, I'm sure. :0( But I should at least get a lot done.
One thought I'll close with tonight. I have a little sign in my kitchen that states "We will be known by the fruit we produce." It's a biblical saying. Wondering about what God sees when He looks at the 'fruit' I have produced. Some of it is not the greatest- I'll be the first to admit. But I am on a road that is telling me to constantly try harder to do better, so I hope to have a whole orchard by the time I'm done. More later....

Answered Prayer

Once again, God has it all under control. We're signing a contract at the end of this week to rent our house in G'ville to a couple for 2 years. I am so relieved that we did not have to sell it. Even if we do end up staying here in P'ville at least I will have peace about it. This couple is so nice and they are willing to do work to the house while they live there. They're going to resurface the driveway (which is huge) and take care of the yard and clean up all the overgrowth around the creek. I'm so excited. Part of me is a little sad because 2 years sounds like a long time, but I know that in the whole scheme of things it really isn't. I also know how lucky we are to be able to rent it. So, we're happy all the way around. Brian's happy, I'm happy and the girls are happy. We've made a few major decisions this week. We decided that we are going to keep Emmaline at the little private school she's at for one more year. Reason being that she has anxiety issues and she would go to the 2nd grade next year for one year, and then go to another school for 3rd-5th grades. That would be 4 different schools for her in 4 years if you count the school she went to last year. So- we're just gonna keep her at the school she's at now for one more year. Annelise is going into 3rd grade, so she'll be in that school for a few years before she has to change. But, she has decided that if she doesn't get into the gifted program at the public school, she's going to stay with Emmaline for one more year at the little private school. They will test her for the gifted program at the end of this month, so we'll see. The public school will just use her standardized test results to decide. They don't test for that until the end of second grade, so Emmaline would have another year until she is up for that anyway. Brian and I feel really good about this decision, so that was another load off of us. I just don't see Emmaline adjusting too well to a class of almost 30 kids when her biggest class so far in her life has had 12 kids in it. And it will be the first year that the girls will be at separate schools to boot. Throw in all of the problems that public schools have in a normal day and Emmaline would be in therapy again in no time! So, things are good here in the Few household. I just enrolled for the third course in my master's degree program last night. I put it off until I couldn't find an excuse anymore.... 24 papers in 10 weeks. Someone shoot me now. Seriously, it's gonna be rough, but I'll be certified to do grief counseling after I finish this course, so I am sooo excited about that. Overall~ Life is good. God is even better. I'm going to enjoy this peaceful time while it lasts. :0)

I Need A Vacation.....

So much for that lovely weekend I had. These past couple of days have been doozies. We've been trying to get together with some friends that we haven't seen for a while. The past 5 or 6 times we've invited them over or to go out they've cancelled because of this or that. Then, a couple days ago, the husband tells me that he just doesn't want to see us. WHAT??? I was really bewildered, so I felt like the least I could do was ask for an explanation. Now, these were friends we made at the church we went to for 9 years. That church experience ended badly, and most of the people our age left, including this particular couple and us. He sent me a response that left me totally speechless and really hurt. It's difficult to hurt my feelings, but he did it. He said that B and I were self-loving and arrogant. He said that people 'competed' for our friendship at the church we were all at and that we 'reveled' in that competition. He said that we thought we were 'better and smarter' than everybody else. And some other stuff, but that was the gist of it. Wow. I could not believe it. Let me say that it is really difficult for me and B to make close friends. The reason is because we are a 'doctor and a doctor's wife'. People tend to put us in a box with that label on it and automatically assume things about us. The doctors and doctors wives who do fit into that stereotype invite us out, they find out that we don't shop at boutiques and we don't enjoy going to expensive restaurants and that my children wear consignment clothes and that my purses and shoes are whatever is on clearance at the time. So, we don't end up fitting in with them. Then, the people we really like to hang around, the down to earth, real people who work for a living and know the value of a dollar, they figure we wouldn't want to hang out with them because we're a doctor and a doctor's wife. Or they do invite us out and they aren't themselves or they feel like we would'nt want to do the same things they would and they choose some ridiculous activity. So we're left somewhere in space with no place where we fit. That means that we try extra hard to make friends, to try to accept everyone into our 'circle'. We did that at the church we were at. We had no idea that people were competing for our friendship and if we had, we certainly wouldn't have reveled in it. It would have mortified me. Turns out that this guy had taken a few things we had said out of context and he had already stereotyped us as the doctor and doctor's wife and he took those things to mean something we had never ever intended. So instead of talking with us about it, he let it simmer and boil for the past 3 years. I was blown away. I racked my brain trying to think of times when I may have behaved the way he was talking about. I couldn't come up with anything. I know I am definitely far, far from perfect. Far. But, I don't think I ever behaved this way long enough for someone to define me by it..... Anyway. He also told B that he had a problem with me being as outspoken as I am. He said I should have never gotten involved with the conflict going on in the church because it was not a 'woman's place' to do that. Well, guess what, when a man isn't taking care of the things that need to be taken care of, someone has to. I loved that church. My heart and soul had been invested into it. Would have walked through fire for it. I have a very protective nature. When I care about something, and I see that it is being threatened, I defend it, I protect it with everything I have. That's just me. Mess with my kids and I'll show you what I'm talking about...... So, I guess I should have let the men handle all of the stuff that I was involved in. I would have loved to. They didn't step up to the plate. SO, he and B had a very long conversation over the phone last night and B cleared up a lot of misconceptions that this friend had been under for a long time. He had been fed lies about us and instead of coming to us about it, he just believed them and judged us on them. I was just blown away. I'm better today, even though I'm not sure that he thinks much differently about us than he did before. I hope that today is a better day. That threw me for a loop. I did apologize to him for whatever it was I did that made him feel that way about us. I didn't know what else to do. The rest is up to him. He wants to have lunch with B next week to talk about it further. He doesn't want to meet with me. He told B that he doesn't know if I intimidate him or if it's that I'm so far from what he feels is appropriate for a woman that he doesn't want to be around me..... Either way, it's his problem to work through at this point. So, that has been my week so far. I'm pretty tough, and I usually don't let people's opinions of me bother me, but when something that strong and that bad comes from someone you felt was a friend, it hurts. I'm about it enroll in my third course here for this Master's Degree program, so that will distract me a little, thank goodness. My cats have helped, too. They've been giving me some extra lovin' and more lap time. I think they sensed that I was upset. We'll see how this unfolds. In the meantime I'm gonna pray.

Lovely Day

Yesterday was as close to perfect a day as I could get. Church was wonderful. The weather was amazing. My kids were home and happy and my hubby was getting things done around the house in between talking with the neighbors and playing with the girls. It was busy for me. I had to go right after lunch to G'ville to pick up consignment clothes that didn't sell, and found that I did not have that many to pick up, and that I made about 500 bucks on the stuff that did sell. That was exciting- especially since we're going to Myrtle Beach in a few weeks and I'm gonna need outlet cash. When I got home, a family came over to see Molly (our second rescue dog we've been trying to find a home for) and they loved loved loved her and took her home that instant. Even though I am going to miss her, I am so glad that she has found such a great family. I mean, these people were awesome- I almost wanted to go live with them. After they left, all the kids in the neighborhood met in a neighbors yard and had snacks on a picnic blanket and played while all the parents chatted. I didn't get to participate in that fun because I had to come inside and review my Bible study for the high school girls at church that afternoon. I had a good review and went off to church. When I got to church, one of my high school girls' dads stopped me in the hall and said "I just wanted to say 'thank you' for whatever it is you're doing in this Bible study on Sunday evenings." I told him I appreciated that but didn't know what he was talking about. He said that his daughter (who is very much a unique and strong minded gal) had really enjoyed going and that it was the first time in all of her 16 years that she had looked forward to going to Bible study. He said she has opened up to her mom and that she just loves me. I was surprised because, even though I love this girl because she is 'real' and upfront and very intelligent, she does tend to be a bit cold and keeps to herself. So that made my night. (Don't get me wrong- I don't take any credit for that, God did that, but I loved hearing about it and knowing that He used my little ol Bible study to reach her was amazing.) I got into Bible study and the girls just talked, I mean really talked and talked and talked- about all kinds of stuff. Stuff that was going on in their lives and stuff that they had been through that week- all lighthearted stuff, nothing heavy- but this was a first for me in that group. I was so excited that they just wanted to talk and so I just let them talk. We ended up only doing our study of Esther for about 10 minutes at the end before it was time to go, but I told them that sometimes it's good to 'just talk' and they agreed. I was on cloud 9 when I left. When I got home around 6, we went out to eat Mexican with some of our neighbors and their kids and went home full, happy and tired. The girls were in bed and asleep by 7:30 and I was in a hot bubble bath by 8 pm. Brian had a neighbor dad to come over and watch a movie with him while I was in the tub with a new mystery novel in total peace and quiet. After I got out of the tub, we got a call from the realtor with our Taylors house listed. My stomach always turns when she calls because I'm afraid she is going to tell us that our house is sold. She just called to tell us that there is a family wanting to sign a 1-2 year rental agreement on our house for just a little less than what our mortgage payment is each month. Which means, my friends, that we would have close to 2 years to decide whether or not we want to move back there and we also have a much much smaller mortgage payment on that house for the meantime. Not to mention that if we decided not to move back at the end of 2 years, the market will have hopefully improved by then and it will be much easier to sell. We're praying about whether that is what we should do or not right now- but we're liking the idea so far. Wow- it was an awesome day. :0)

Faith Like a Grain of Mustard Seed

I was able to just let go of this stress about wanting to move back and let God handle it. I know if He thinks we'll be happier back in G'ville that He'll make sure we get back out there, and if not, there's a good reason that I just don't know about yet that we're here. So, either way, as long as He's in charge, I'm good. I'm still a little sad and if I let myself -I'll worry, but I'm much better than I was. The nice weather helped lift my spirits some. Aunt Libby came and got the girls on Friday to spend the night with her, so I just sat on our front porch in a rocker and enjoyed the sun and the birds and the breeze. A lot of thoughts came into my mind during the hour or so I was out there. One was, We're not really supposed to feel at home anywhere here, because this Earth is not our 'home'. Also, Brian gets very stressed out at the thought of moving, so he isn't real hot on the idea at all. I thought about that and was reminded that when you really love someone, their wants should come before yours. That's hard for me, but I do really love him, so I told him I would agree to give it a year or so here in P'ville to see if things get better. He seemed to be happy with that. I do worry that our house in G'ville will sell during that time and we will have lost it, but if that happens, I'll know it just wasn't God's will for us to be back there. So, for now, I'm ok. I'm better. But there's a small part of me inside that is still holding on to the possiblity that a miracle will occur and we'll move back. It's just not getting to me like it was. I keep thinking of an illustration I used for a youth group once. I told them that only God knows what's best for us, because only He can see the 'big picture'. It's like when a baby wants a quarter so bad, they cry for it, they scream for it, they try their best to get it. But the parent doesn't give it to them because they know the baby will put it in their mouth and choke. But the baby doesn't understand that - they just know they want it, and they get angry with the parent for not giving it to them. Well, I know that maybe the house in G'ville is my quarter. Maybe it's not in our best interest to go back and I just can't see it because I want it so bad. That's why I have to trust God. He knows and only He knows. We'll see. For now I'm just going to go on with life and do my best here at this house. I'm just thankful that I'm not as upset as I was last week. It's amazing what happens when you just let go. It's also amazing that God actually wants us to give Him our burdens and our problems, even when He knows that we're in a mess that we created ourselves, He's still willing to get us out of it if we will have faith and trust Him. Well- I'm off to a meeting. Just wanted to update and get all of this off my chest. Looking for a better week!

Soul Searching

So, we've been living here in P'ville for about 7 months now. The house is wonderful and P'ville is cool. My neighbors are all nice and their kids are well-behaved and great. And I hate it. All of it. I don't know what's wrong with me. What is wrong with me???? I am missing my little 1968 tri-level in our old town so much I can hardly stand it. I started feeling this way immediately after we moved. Something about that place just feels like home. I've never felt that way before about any house we've moved from. (And trust me- we've moved a LOT.) I have never missed a house we've moved from. The bigger problem is, my daughters both feel the same way. I try not to mention it or talk about it, but they will bring it up and Annelise has cried over it several times. I thought maybe that after I had a few holidays and birthdays here in the new house it would feel more like home. Nope. It's only gotten worse over time. Plus, our old house hasn't sold, yet. I almost don't want it to. As long as we still own it, there's a chance we could go back. The worst thing is that Brian is so far from his work in this new house, that he only makes it home to eat dinner with us about 2 times a week. Eating dinner together as a family is a big deal to me. There are so many reasons that we should have never moved- of course hindsight is always 20/20, right? We're stuck under this huge house payment now, which is triple what our one at our old house was. We realized when we worked it out on paper that we could have been debt free in about 5 years if we had just stayed in that house. Debt FREE. None of this even crossed my mind before now. This was my choice to move here, my choice to build this house, all mine. I feel totally responsible for my girls missing their 'home' and wanting to go back. They won't play outside here, either because they say I 'took everything away from them that they loved about the outside'- their creek and their trees and their big yard..... Looking back, I know I didn't pray enough about this decision. I just made a snap decision and thought this was a great idea and did it. Now I'm just praying that God will do one of two things for me: that He will either make this house start feeling like home for all of us, or that He would make a way for us to move back to our old house without suffering financial consequences from this new house. I know God is in control. He has cleaned up my messes before- it amazes me that He continues to do this for me after I have made sooo many mistakes- and I know He will help me with this one. I just am so desperate to stop feeling this way. I can truly say that I have learned my lesson. I want to give total control of my life to God. He knows what is best for me and my family and I trust that completely. I just hate that I find myself grovelling to Him yet again, for a mess that I've created. My poor husband- he is not on board with moving because of how much money we have invested in this house- but he still finds it in his heart to feel for me and to love me anyway. I think that in his heart of hearts he would want to move back, too- he just won't admit it. My big fear is that if someone does buy our old house, will we have given up the ONLY place that has ever felt like home to us? Will we regret this for the rest of our lives? I'm carrying a lot of stress about this right now. I need prayer. I need to rest in God. I need to be still and listen. I'm trying really hard. I've come to a place within myself where I am just done. I'm done. I'm ready to give it up and let God take control. I know it took a while for Him to break my stubborn spirit, but it's done, now and I'm ready to listen. People say "Well, your home is where you make it," and blah blah blah. I try to believe that, but something about that little house in G'ville found it's way into our hearts. I guess I didn't realize how much of a life we had established for ourselves out there and now it's upside down. Emmaline's ballet is there, our best friends are there, Brian's work is there, and all of the good private schools are there. I don't know. I just know I'm emotionally exhausted and I want to be settled. I want peace- which I know doesn't come from a house, but feeling at home can give a lot of peace. Feeling like you're where you're supposed to be is a big deal. Anyway- if you could send a prayer up for me- it would be greatly appreciated. I know this is so petty compared to what most people have going on in their lives, but it's major for me. Oh, well- just had to get that out. Otherwise, everything else is great. I'm about to start my third course in the Master's Degree program for grief counseling. This third course is a big one, because after I complete it, I'll be certified to do grief counseling. But- it has 24 papers that I will have to write assigned within it. It's gonna send me over the edge! School distracts me, so I think it will be a good thing. I'll begin it the week after next. Until then I am trying to get some things done so I won't be stressed about doing all of it while trying to write 24 papers.... I have not had a chance to catch up on everyone else's blogs, so I'm gonna try to do that, too. I've been thinking about everyone (and keeping up with some of you on Facebook!). We'll see what God does with this house thing. I'm so glad He is faithful!