Unconditional Love

Well we are in the midst of our adoption process now and things are heating up with all of that. We've found a child who has stolen all 4 of our hearts and we are in love with this 7 year old boy. Things are up in the air with his placement decisions so a lot will depend on the results of all of that as to whether or not we would have a chance to adopt him. We got to meet him this week and he was even more wonderful than we had imagined. All of this process has had me thinking about a lot of things. One of those things is the way God loves and accepts us no matter what. When you apply for adoption through DSS, they give you a 'check list' that is 3 pages long of disorders/behavior problems/issues that these kids may have or may be at risk for, and you check off the behaviors/issues/disorders you would be willing to accept in a prospective child. If you check that you would be willing to accept a certain behavior, you then get to check off whether you would accept it in a mild/treatable form, moderate form or severe. Now- I feel like this is tremendously important for adoptions, because not all of us can handle some of these behavior issues. We had to check 'no' on a lot of them because we have 2 young daughters in our home who must be taken into consideration also, and some of the behaviors listed had to do with violent/sexual behavior and such. The reality is that we cannot consider some children because they display some of these things. This made me think about God's love for us. He would check 'yes' on all of these issues in relation to us. He accepts and loves us no matter how terrible we might be, no matter how awful we may act, no matter what kind of behavior we are exhibiting. He loves us and accepts us. Period. To know that kind of love and acceptance is just amazing. He takes us as we are and makes us whole and makes us feel valuable and loved. There is no checklist with God- there is only unconditional love. Yes, we disappoint Him sometimes, but He never stops loving us. Yes, He lets us go away from Him when we choose to do so, and He even allows us to reject Him if we choose to, but He will always be there, waiting for us to return to Him if we want- taking us in with open arms and mercy and grace. How thankful I am for that kind of love! Looking at this check list, I realize that I have displayed several of these negative behaviors at some point during my 37 years of life- and yet He loves me anyway. He knows all of my darkness and washed it away with His love and sacrifice for me. I'm a grateful lady this morning. It made my heart ache to have to check 'no' on several of the areas of this checklist, but I am human and I have to be realistic about what we can handle and what risks we can take- and I am so glad God is God and that He can handle anything. Unconditional love- what an incredible gift.

Green Is Not My Color

For the last 5 weeks, I've been taking a course at church on Wed. nights. We have about 20 courses to choose from, all kinds of topics and each session lasts 6 weeks. After 6 weeks you pick a new course. I really like it because I've found all of the courses to be very informative so far and they have all inspired me to do some 'self-evaluation'. This course I'm presently in is called "It Came From Within" and it is an Andy Stanley study about things we do that we think are bad personality traits, but that are really about issues of the heart, and issues we have with God. So far we've discussed carrying grudges and guilt, guarding our hearts against worldly values and influence, and greed and jealousy. I almost skipped the night we talked about jealousy because that's never been one of my 'issues'. Trust me, I have plenty of issues- that's just not one of them. When I was talking to the instructor about it before class she told me that I was probably just not aware of how much I actually struggle with jealousy but that after I saw how Andy Stanley explained it I would probably be surprised that I do actually struggle with it. Well, he made some good points in the video, and I agreed with everything he said (as I usually do with him). But, after all was said and done, I realized that I really do not struggle with jealousy. So, this inspired me to go home and evaluate why that is. I came to the conclusion that it is because my life is so much better than I ever thought it could be that I never think about what "better things" other people have because I am so ridiculously happy with what I have. I mean- when I look back to what my life was before I gave it over to Jesus, and compare it to now, I am so freaking amazed at how absolutely wonderful it is now that I cannot believe this is my life. And I'm not talking about being financially blessed or about the opportunities that God has provided us throughout these past 15 years. All that is just icing on the cake-and all that could disappear today and I would still be content. It's because I know how truly blessed I am with the things that matter. I realize that most people in this world would trade places with me in a heartbeat. So, I guess that I don't think about what other people might have that I don't have because I'm so amazed at what I do have-again not talking about material things. I'm not trying to brag- this is nothing that I get credit for- it's all God and it is because He has allowed me to have this life and it is because I finally surrendered this life to Him- that makes my life wonderful. No matter what happens, nothing can touch my happiness because it is in my relationship with Him that my happiness resides. We have a lot of 'stuff'. A lot of nice 'stuff'- but we don't need that stuff to be happy. It's nice and we enjoy it, but it's not necessary for us to be happy. So, I guess that jealously just doesn't enter my mind because I know that I am so much happier than I ever imagined I could be, and I know things could have been a lot worse for me. My life is not perfect, but God is always with me and that is all I need to know- it makes all the difference. Don't waste your time wishing for something that someone else has. Look at your life and don't take your blessings for granted- we all have something to be thankful for. Now, next week in class we'll be talking about anger and that is where I'll get my toes stepped on. I have issues with my temper- I've made great strides over the past several years, but I still have work to do........ I guess we all struggle with something and that is my hurdle. I'm looking forward to the advice that will be given for that.

The Lucky Ones

So, a few weeks ago we went with the girls school to hand out blankets, coats, gloves, hats and food to the less fortunate and homeless downtown. We set up booths out of the backs of trucks and I was at the blanket station. The girls went with us and we were all a little anxious- didn't know what to expect. We had gone out in the days before this and raided all of the Goodwill and Miracle Hill stores and bought all kinds of blankets and heavy coats to donate to this endeavor. When we arrived, it was raining and there were people lined up waiting on us, shouting things and being rude and pushy with each other because they wanted to be first to choose what they needed and they wanted to make sure they got what they came for. Their shouting and arguing scared the girls, but we explained to them that these people were desperate for the things we were handing out and that they were scared they wouldn't get anything. Of course, the people didn't know that we had hundreds of blankets and coats, but when they saw us dragging it all out, they relaxed some and quietened down. We were at the blanket booth. We separated all of the blankets by size and thickness. There was a special pile of twin sized fleece throws just for the children. I asked the lady in charge how to determine who to give the large, thick king sized blankets to since we didn't have as many of those. She told me I had to ask each person if they sleep outside or not, and if they answered 'yes', then we would give them a big, warmer blanket. "Wait a minute," I thought, "You mean we have to actually ask people if they sleep outside??" Just the thought of that made my stomach drop. But since that was the only way to determine how to give out the bigger blankets, that was just the way it was going to have to be. And so, we asked people, one by one, if they slept outside. After about 15 people came through, we had someone answer "Yes ma'am". He smiled at us when he said it and he was very polite. I knew the answer was yes before we even asked- he looked like he had been living outside for quite some time. We chose a big blanket and handed it to him. He thanked us and went on his way. My oldest daughter just stood there with tears in her eyes and stared into space. Don't get me wrong- I know people are homeless- I know people sleep outside. But to have to look someone in the eyes and ask them if they do and then hear them answer 'yes' and just hand them a blanket and send them on their way was really really difficult. It affected all of us. We gave out all of our blankets- the ones who slept outside were especially grateful for them. One man was so excited to get a ratty, used (but very warm and no holes) blanket we had picked up at Goodwill that he smiled so big his eyes disappeared and said "I am just SO thankful for this!!" It brought tears to my eyes. When I got into my warm, soft, safe bed that night, the question kept running through my mind "Do you sleep outside? Do you sleep outside? Do you sleep outside?" I was so grateful for my life, and yet felt so helpless at the same time. I felt guilty for having the things I have, and for stressing about the ridiculous things I stress about. The good thing that came out of it, besides the fact that I know that at least the people sleeping outside are a little warmer because of those blankets and coats, is that I have learned what contentment feels like. I've learned that I can very easily be extremely happy and content right where I am, no matter what the circumstances are. Because my happiness and my level of content do not depend on circumstances. They depend on Jesus- and He is the only place to find true joy and contentment- and He is just as much there for the ones who sleep outside as He is for me. What happens in this world is just a blink in the eye of eternity. I pray that these people we met would be able to feel that love that only God can give and that it will bring them comfort- no matter what their circumstances are. My girls have also learned that lesson. They pray for these people we met every single night- my heart melts at the sincerity in their child prayers. And so, Christmas was wonderful, not because of the gifts or the food, but because I was so hyper aware of the reason for the season. I am happy to ring in this new year. I don't know what it holds- but whatever it is, I will be content and I will find my joy in Jesus. Hoping all who read will have a peaceful 2012 full of happiness.