I Need A Vacation.....

So much for that lovely weekend I had. These past couple of days have been doozies. We've been trying to get together with some friends that we haven't seen for a while. The past 5 or 6 times we've invited them over or to go out they've cancelled because of this or that. Then, a couple days ago, the husband tells me that he just doesn't want to see us. WHAT??? I was really bewildered, so I felt like the least I could do was ask for an explanation. Now, these were friends we made at the church we went to for 9 years. That church experience ended badly, and most of the people our age left, including this particular couple and us. He sent me a response that left me totally speechless and really hurt. It's difficult to hurt my feelings, but he did it. He said that B and I were self-loving and arrogant. He said that people 'competed' for our friendship at the church we were all at and that we 'reveled' in that competition. He said that we thought we were 'better and smarter' than everybody else. And some other stuff, but that was the gist of it. Wow. I could not believe it. Let me say that it is really difficult for me and B to make close friends. The reason is because we are a 'doctor and a doctor's wife'. People tend to put us in a box with that label on it and automatically assume things about us. The doctors and doctors wives who do fit into that stereotype invite us out, they find out that we don't shop at boutiques and we don't enjoy going to expensive restaurants and that my children wear consignment clothes and that my purses and shoes are whatever is on clearance at the time. So, we don't end up fitting in with them. Then, the people we really like to hang around, the down to earth, real people who work for a living and know the value of a dollar, they figure we wouldn't want to hang out with them because we're a doctor and a doctor's wife. Or they do invite us out and they aren't themselves or they feel like we would'nt want to do the same things they would and they choose some ridiculous activity. So we're left somewhere in space with no place where we fit. That means that we try extra hard to make friends, to try to accept everyone into our 'circle'. We did that at the church we were at. We had no idea that people were competing for our friendship and if we had, we certainly wouldn't have reveled in it. It would have mortified me. Turns out that this guy had taken a few things we had said out of context and he had already stereotyped us as the doctor and doctor's wife and he took those things to mean something we had never ever intended. So instead of talking with us about it, he let it simmer and boil for the past 3 years. I was blown away. I racked my brain trying to think of times when I may have behaved the way he was talking about. I couldn't come up with anything. I know I am definitely far, far from perfect. Far. But, I don't think I ever behaved this way long enough for someone to define me by it..... Anyway. He also told B that he had a problem with me being as outspoken as I am. He said I should have never gotten involved with the conflict going on in the church because it was not a 'woman's place' to do that. Well, guess what, when a man isn't taking care of the things that need to be taken care of, someone has to. I loved that church. My heart and soul had been invested into it. Would have walked through fire for it. I have a very protective nature. When I care about something, and I see that it is being threatened, I defend it, I protect it with everything I have. That's just me. Mess with my kids and I'll show you what I'm talking about...... So, I guess I should have let the men handle all of the stuff that I was involved in. I would have loved to. They didn't step up to the plate. SO, he and B had a very long conversation over the phone last night and B cleared up a lot of misconceptions that this friend had been under for a long time. He had been fed lies about us and instead of coming to us about it, he just believed them and judged us on them. I was just blown away. I'm better today, even though I'm not sure that he thinks much differently about us than he did before. I hope that today is a better day. That threw me for a loop. I did apologize to him for whatever it was I did that made him feel that way about us. I didn't know what else to do. The rest is up to him. He wants to have lunch with B next week to talk about it further. He doesn't want to meet with me. He told B that he doesn't know if I intimidate him or if it's that I'm so far from what he feels is appropriate for a woman that he doesn't want to be around me..... Either way, it's his problem to work through at this point. So, that has been my week so far. I'm pretty tough, and I usually don't let people's opinions of me bother me, but when something that strong and that bad comes from someone you felt was a friend, it hurts. I'm about it enroll in my third course here for this Master's Degree program, so that will distract me a little, thank goodness. My cats have helped, too. They've been giving me some extra lovin' and more lap time. I think they sensed that I was upset. We'll see how this unfolds. In the meantime I'm gonna pray.