Things Are Not Always As They Appear

We went to Annelise's soccer game last night and it was fun. Went out to eat afterwards with friends and family and got home late and in the bed even later. The girls were unexpectedly good this morning when I had to drag them out of bed, though. At the game last night Brian noticed that the other moms (most of whom take their children to him) were talking to me a lot more this time. Usually I sit there with Emmaline and they stay in their group and talk with each other- understandable because they all went to high school together and I never really made an effort to go be a part of the group. (I never had that "need to belong" issue at any time of my life that I can remember....) But last night I was in a particularly good mood and I struck up a conversation with one of them and before I knew it they were all over there talking to me and we had a few good conversations throughout the game. I really didn't notice the difference between that night and the others, but Brian did and he said "I noticed the other moms were talking to you a lot more tonight." I said "Why do you think that is?" He said , "They probably didn't talk to you before because you are a "doctor's wife" and they had already stereotyped you as snobby and not interested in people like them." Well, this is not the first time that has happened. When we first had kids, we lived in a neighborhood not far from here and the same thing occured. We never got invited to the cook-outs, I wasn't invited to play Bunco or just hang out with the other moms there. It never bothered me but I did wonder why. I finally came to the conclusion that everyone had stereotyped me and Brian for something we are not. I became friends with a mom down the street not long after that, and she admitted to me that people just assumed we did not want to hang out with them and that we were just the typical "doctor and doctor's wife." I found that to be hilarious because we are so far from that. I lived the first 7 years of life in a single wide (not even double wide) trailor. We had to move out because the toilet was starting to fall through the floor and it was beginning to get rust holes outside. We did not have much as far as finances went. I knew how to squeeze every cent out of every dollar and I have not forgotten it. My husband grew up in a tiny house in the country with goats and chickens in the yard. His dad worked at a factory and his mom was a hairdresser. We put ourselves through school- he even put himself through medical school with no help. (Which ended up in a $150,000 school loan we had to pay off when we got married-that's why it costs so much to go to the doctor, people!) My kids wear clothes from the clearance rack in Wal-Mart, and sometimes, so do I! I buy my Christmas presents in January, when all the winter stuff is on clearance- and I do kids consignment sales twice a year. I don't have a maid, I don't pay people to do things I am able to do. I am just about the furthest thing from materialistic as you could get. That is what makes the "doctor's wife" stereotype so hilarious. I have my weaknesses (furniture and jewelry) but I would never pay full price even for those things. I am also guilty of making assumptions and sterotyping people, but after my experiences, I think I will be more aware of doing those things. One of the ironic things about the moms at the soccer game is that one of the moms had a diamond ring on that almost blinded me when she moved her hand- it was about a 2-carat stone with tons of smaller diamonds all around it. I guess it is not the fact that Brian makes a decent living that causes people to think what they do, but it is the title alone. That is even more ridiculous. I am not blaming people who think that of me , that is just the way it is I guess. Same thing as when most people lock their car doors when a person of a different race or someone who looks a little rough walks by. Same as when someone sees a pregnant teen ager and automatic thoughts about her come into their heads. There are so many examples of it that I guess it is just the way it is- sad. Just because it looks like a duck doesn't mean it is!