Priorities

Sometimes I feel so guilty for wanting time away from the girls. My parents are about to move to their new house and Aunt Libby has been out of town for a couple of weeks so the girls have not spent the night away for quite sometime. Annelise has been particularly needy of attention lately so my patience is worn thin. But then I wonder how much I am going to regret all this time I try to get away from them when they are grown? I know there will come a time when I would do about anything to get a few minutes of this age back. That is hard to think of when they are driving me crazy, though. I also have been keeping up with another mom's blog, who also had 2 girls and her oldest (5 years old, same as Annelise) drowned this past July. When I read it I see how she encourages other moms not to take the time you have with your kids for granted. She said she regrets the times when she told her oldest daughter to go play or when she maybe yelled at her for something and lost her temper. That all makes me think really hard about how I am doing with my girls. I have a naturally hot temper and I am also a person who has always enjoyed solitude. So, spending quality time with the girls is something I really have to work at. The mom who lost her daughter asked herself "Why didn't I just let her wear her Princess dress to the grocery store when she wanted? or Why didn't I wear the tacky glitter fingernail polish she picked out for me because she wanted me to?" I have gotten better about those things because of this mom. Last week I wore some pink chrome toenail polish Annelise had picked out and I also let Emmaline wear her tu-tu to pick Annelise up at school because she really wanted to . The amazing thing was - nothing happened! I don't know why any of these things were ever big deals to me before, but now I try to choose my battles a little more carefully. I have loosened up a little and I feel better about it. I know if something happened to one of my girls, I would have so many regrets. But, we are human and we do the best we can most of the time. There was never any such thing as the perfect mother. I do tell them a lot more often that I love them and I give more hugs and kisses than I used to. ( Not a touchy feely person by nature.) I think small changes can go a long way. I am trying to play more games with them and play outside with them but those things seem harder because I don't enjoy them. I am having to learn to enjoy the time with the girls instead of trying to enjoy the particular activity. I know one day they will be at a point where they just want me to go away! That will be tough, but I know it is coming. So, for now I am trying- that is all I can do. It will be interesting to see how they describe me when they are older. Emmaline loves to cook and wants to "help" with anything and everything in the kitchen. That has been the hardest thing because of my limited patience and the fact that I am used to cooking alone and getting it done quickly. We all have our areas of parenting in need of improvement I guess. Well, give your kids an extra hug today! It may mean more than you think.